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Jesus had an itchy bum At the crucifiction Angry piled and nail'd of thumb Caused Him an affliction Dry, the desert air that night, And the sand abrasive When a poor man came in sight, Jesus was persuasive "Hither, guard, and stand by me My chalfonts are swelling Yonder peasant, who is he? Where and what his dwelling?" "Sire, he lives a good league hence Underneath the mountain Right against Golgotha fence By Saint Agnes' fountain." "Bring me Anusol and ting Rubber band ligation Bring a twig to scratch my ring And some medication." Page of Jesus, forth he went Forth from grim Calvary Off to find a rectal stent For the Holy Gary "Page, my grapes are angry now And the itch grows stronger Nailed up here I know not how, I can go much longer." "Fleet thy footsteps off to Boots Or a lesser chemist Fix these chalfonts twixt my glutes Make this itch diminish." For his master's hems he ran To an all night garage Looking out for flakes of bran For the blessed passage Therefore, Christian men, be sure Haemorrhoids possessing Fear ye not to seek a cure With the  Saviour's blessing.