Telephone Menu

Welcome to the Subdivision of Consumer Affairs and Complaints Resolution in the Bureau of Domestic Kitchen Appliances and Culinary Utensil Services. Please listen carefully as our menu options have recently changed. For General Inquiries about the Status of Your Complaint Regarding the Inefficiency of Electric Can Openers, press 1. For Submissions of New Complaints Pertaining to the Suboptimal Performance of Programmable Coffee Makers, press 2. For Requests for Follow-Up on Pending Disputes Over the Warranty Coverage of Multi-Functional Blenders, press 3. For Detailed Explanations of Our Policy on the Acceptable Noise Levels of Electric Mixers, press 4. For Assistance with the Troubleshooting of Smart Refrigerators That Fail to Connect to Home Wi-Fi Networks, press 5. For Escalations Related to the Unsatisfactory Resolution of Your Complaints Concerning Self-Cleaning Ovens, press 6. For Feedback on Your Experience with the Automated Customer Service of the Department, press 7. For All Other Inquiries, Including But Not Limited to the Regulation of Dishwasher Safe Labels on Non-Stick Frying Pans, press 8 (Eight!) To Repeat This Menu, stay on the line, and a representative from the Department of Redundancy Department will assist you shortly. [Build-up Guitar Solo] Thank you for calling the Subdivision of Consumer Affairs and Complaints Resolution in the Bureau of Domestic Kitchen Appliances and Culinary Utensil Services. Your unnecessary patience is very important to us. [Beat Build-up] [Beat Dropping] [Guitar Solo] (Chorus) Hold the line, your call is vital, Press one for a cycle, it's a spiral, In the maze of menus, we're the title, Department of Redundancy, our arrival. We're the keepers of the forms you fill, In the Subdivision where time stands still, Your patience tested, it's a skill, In the Bureau of Appliances, against your will. So press two, then three, then four, In the queue, there's always more, With every tone, you're part of the lore, In the Department where less is more. [Outro] [Guitar Outro] [End] [End]