Lyrics
[Perfect EQ]
[Clean Mix]
[Vocal Cuts Through Mix]
[Final Vocal Mix]
[Final Master]
[Sound Effects]
(rustling leaves and distant birds.)
[Narrator]
(With an air of intrigue)
“Our story begins with Hansel and Gretel, two siblings...”
[flute]
[Hansel]
(Young boy, excited but confused)
“Gretel, where’s the Wi-Fi? I’m getting Ratio’d out here! This forest is giving serious NPC vibes.”
[Gretel]
(Slightly older girl, with a knowing tone)
“Chill, Hansel. We’re gonna Pop Off and find a way out. Don’t go Delulu on me now.”
[Sound Effects]
(A spooky wind howls through the trees as the children wander deeper into the woods.)
[Narrator]
(Lowering his voice ominously)
“And so, the two intrepid siblings, lost in the woods beyond their wildest imagination, come upon a curious sight—a house made not of gingerbread, but of shining, twinkling metal, like the polished surface of a brand new… Apple?”
[Gretel]
(Eyes widening with excitement)
“Yass, Hansel! That’s gotta be the new iPhone! This house is *definitely* Goated.”
[Hansel]
(Nodding eagerly)
“Bet! Let’s see if they’ve got the latest update.”
[Sound Effects]
(A creak as the door opens, followed by the gentle clinking of a witch’s cauldron bubbling over.)
[Witch]
(Sweetly, with a touch of menace)
“Come in, come in, my dears! I’ve got something just for you… an apple, perhaps?”
[Narrator]
(Slyly)
“But alas! Our dear Hansel and Gretel, enchanted by the prospect of the latest tech, mistake the witch’s offer for something entirely different…”
[Gretel]
(Clapping her hands)
“Witch, you just *Ate That*! Where’s the charging cable?”
[Hansel]
(Grinning)
“We’re not leaving until we get the password, fam.”
[Witch]
(Cackling)
“Oh, but you must stay a while! I’ve got snacks, treats… everything to fatten you up, my pretties!”
[Sound Effects]
(A bubbling cauldron intensifies, the fire crackles louder, and the witch stirs her pot with a wicked glee.)
[Narrator]
(With dramatic emphasis)
“But wait! Our clever Gretel begins to see through the ruse. Something here is… off.”
[Gretel]
(Suddenly serious)
“Hansel, this is all too Mid. We need to Let Her Cook, but we’re bouncing soon as we get that Wi-Fi.”
[Sound Effects]
(A sudden clatter as Gretel knocks over a pot, then the sound of running footsteps as the children dash for the door.)
[Hansel]
(Breathless, but triumphant)
“Witch, you just got Ratio’d! We’re outta here.”
[Gretel]
(Laughing)
“W in the chat, Hansel! We’re the Rizards of Oz!”
[Narrator]
(Laughing warmly)
“A tale of woe turned into a tale of triumph, fit for the airwaves of RKO!”
[Sound Effects]
(Closing theme music swells, triumphant and full of joy, as the fire crackles softly again.)
