Hansel and Gretel 2024

[Perfect EQ] [Clean Mix] [Vocal Cuts Through Mix] [Final Vocal Mix] [Final Master] [Sound Effects] (rustling leaves and distant birds.) [Narrator] (With an air of intrigue) “Our story begins with Hansel and Gretel, two siblings...” [flute] [Hansel] (Young boy, excited but confused) “Gretel, where’s the Wi-Fi? I’m getting Ratio’d out here! This forest is giving serious NPC vibes.” [Gretel] (Slightly older girl, with a knowing tone) “Chill, Hansel. We’re gonna Pop Off and find a way out. Don’t go Delulu on me now.” [Sound Effects] (A spooky wind howls through the trees as the children wander deeper into the woods.) [Narrator] (Lowering his voice ominously) “And so, the two intrepid siblings, lost in the woods beyond their wildest imagination, come upon a curious sight—a house made not of gingerbread, but of shining, twinkling metal, like the polished surface of a brand new… Apple?” [Gretel] (Eyes widening with excitement) “Yass, Hansel! That’s gotta be the new iPhone! This house is *definitely* Goated.” [Hansel] (Nodding eagerly) “Bet! Let’s see if they’ve got the latest update.” [Sound Effects] (A creak as the door opens, followed by the gentle clinking of a witch’s cauldron bubbling over.) [Witch] (Sweetly, with a touch of menace) “Come in, come in, my dears! I’ve got something just for you… an apple, perhaps?” [Narrator] (Slyly) “But alas! Our dear Hansel and Gretel, enchanted by the prospect of the latest tech, mistake the witch’s offer for something entirely different…” [Gretel] (Clapping her hands) “Witch, you just *Ate That*! Where’s the charging cable?” [Hansel] (Grinning) “We’re not leaving until we get the password, fam.” [Witch] (Cackling) “Oh, but you must stay a while! I’ve got snacks, treats… everything to fatten you up, my pretties!” [Sound Effects] (A bubbling cauldron intensifies, the fire crackles louder, and the witch stirs her pot with a wicked glee.) [Narrator] (With dramatic emphasis) “But wait! Our clever Gretel begins to see through the ruse. Something here is… off.” [Gretel] (Suddenly serious) “Hansel, this is all too Mid. We need to Let Her Cook, but we’re bouncing soon as we get that Wi-Fi.” [Sound Effects] (A sudden clatter as Gretel knocks over a pot, then the sound of running footsteps as the children dash for the door.) [Hansel] (Breathless, but triumphant) “Witch, you just got Ratio’d! We’re outta here.” [Gretel] (Laughing) “W in the chat, Hansel! We’re the Rizards of Oz!” [Narrator] (Laughing warmly) “A tale of woe turned into a tale of triumph, fit for the airwaves of RKO!” [Sound Effects] (Closing theme music swells, triumphant and full of joy, as the fire crackles softly again.)