Never At Fault

[Verse 1] I sneezed in an old lady's food. She shouldn't have used so much pepper. I shot a guy on Halloween. He shouldn't have dressed as a leopard. I booed a kid at a talent show. His act shouldn't have been so lame. Whatever goes wrong, I am never to blame. [Verse 2] I mistook a grown man for a child. He shouldn't have been so short. I said unspeakable things to my neighbor. But it was only said as a retort. I spent a year in prison. But the laws I broke shouldn't be laws. Whatever goes wrong, I am never the cause. [Verse 3] I threw a penguin off a cliff. He would have survived if he flew. I punched myself in the face. I'm not sure how, but it's because of you. I stole all of my best friend's money. He should have kept it in a vault. Whatever goes wrong, I am never at fault.